Dating a person with multiple personality disorder

The power is there - she will have to patiently learn to use it.

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Try to deal with the alters on their own level. Many are children, so you have to relate to them as such. Set limits, don't yell or argue, and don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of but don't be preoccupied with the thought of being taken advantage of.

If you have or like children, this is excellent preparation for interacting with alters. He might know how to drive. She might be 10, but she took all the college math courses for your SO. Never underestimate the alters. You have to have an atmosphere of trust and communication.

What It’s Like to Be a Spouse to Someone With DID | The Mighty

Remember - they were abused and lied to in the first place. You have to be someone they can trust. If you want to address a certain alter, Miss Manners suggests that you only address the alter who's out at time. If you want to speak to a different one, ask the out personality to send a message, if that's possible. If there's danger, ask for the appropriate part. Whenever an alter comes out, you will eventually notice subtle or not so subtle clues as to his or her appearance.

Passion and Fear in BPD Relationships

If you've read the books, you know it was mentioned that when different alters came out, the person took on almost completely different looks. This can be quite dramatic, or you could have a hard time noticing it.

Dating with Dissociative Identity Disorder -PART 1-

Watch and you will soon be able to tell who's out by voice or appearance, if not by context. Remember though, that they spent all their lives being your SO, so they're liable to want to not be noticed or identified.

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  • Don't prod or badger an alter. If they want to talk or interact with you, they will. Your job is to create a trusting, loving atmosphere. Since they were hurt, it s very difficult for them to trust anyone. They can also become wonderful friends, somewhere down the line. Each one has his place in the system, as well as a function. One might handle certain school subjects, another might do other subjects, one can be the perfect spouse, one might strive to please her abuser, a few can do sex, and some might pop out when you're in a toy store.

    When this one's out, she might try to kill the system. They seem to have no fear or regard of death. Sometimes they consider it a relief. They frequently think that they're killing the host and they will live. This is also just what is says. The job of this alter is to make sure no harm comes to the system.

    What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

    This can be accomplished in many ways, some being nastiness, arguments if I make him go away, he won't hurt us , and picking up and going elsewhere without notice he can't hurt us if we re not here. A lot of persecuter alters are miguided protectors. They are young, and enjoy all the things that real children do.

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    • Teddy bears, crayons, arts and crafts, animals, and whatever else you can imagine are their playthings. They can be easily frightened. Helper Inner Self Helper: She might be able to tell you things that the others can't or don't know.

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      She may hold The Kids in her lap to calm them down, or referee disagreements within the system. This can be to release pain, or perhaps due to feelings of inadequacy. Frequently, alters are not aware of time or location. Some may be frozen in the time the abuse took place. If possible, you can try to make the alter aware of the time, place, and year. This can sometimes help. If someone's constantly on the lookout for abusers, you can make her aware that the abuser is far away if this is true , or dead, and that she's safe. It happened in the past and although her pain is real, it's not going to happen now.

      It's a good idea to alter-proof your house. Think of how you'd childproof the place, then do it. Get rid of all non-necessary medicine, trash the razor blades, and do whatever's necessary to keep the alters safe from themselves and each other. You might have to learn the hard way, by catching an alter trying to do harm, but then you will know better next time.

      I'd never wear that. If you can gently help them to realize that this isn't so, you'll be helping. Use logic and don't be forceful. You'll hear all sorts of interesting things from the mouths of alters. You must remember that these people grew up in their own little universe, with radically different rules and beliefs from what we consider normal.

      All their lives this went on, so this is their normal way of thinking and doing things. So you'll be greeted with some totally outrageous statements, but try not to sound too surprised: The protector alts were born to protect obviously. They're generally on alert, even if there is no reason to be. This is also alt logic. The kids may be afraid of a lot of things. If you want to truly communicate, try to do so on their level. This will be difficult, but you'll adapt quickly. Evil is also a great example of the differences between the host and alter: Another tricky aspect of this is the switching.

      When your SO feels threatened, she may switch. What's odd about this is that it can be caused by something totally inconsequential to you. It could be a reflection, a word, a person, something that reminds your SO of something traumatic in her past, or any number of things. A semi-impartial observer can notice that whenever a certain thing happens, she goes away. Once the trigger is identified, you do your best to avoid it.

      Perhaps the therapist can get to the root of it later on. Switching also takes place when one of the alters takes control. This will all have to be worked on within her system and with the therapist. Give up any notion of control here. Just try to work with whatever you're handed. You'll develop skills you never knew you had.